It's Been a Long Time

Hello!

I've neglected this blog for so long! Reading through my last several entries made me sad. Perhaps the pain is all still too fresh in my mind and, like any other very difficult, trying time, is hard to work through. I'm sad for the times that were so hard and sad that we're still not where I'd like to be.

An update...Charlie is now taking lithium and depakote. He was doing very well this summer and it was a wonderful time. During that time of stability I decided to homeschool him because I thought that that would cut back on all of the stress of school (getting up at a set time and taking medicine at that set time, being in school all day long and then coming home and still having work to do, social pressures, etc).

Some homeschool days have been great. Other days have been not so great. Everyone who knows him tells me how happy he seems and how well he seems to be doing. It's true, for the most part. Homeschooling has taken several demands off of him and has allowed him to blossom academically. There are some days though that, selfishly, I just want him back in school so I can have a break.

It's weird. Just writing this now is so hard compared to just whipping out my other blog posts. I guess I'll hit publish and try again another day!

Sarah:)

Our New Doc


Before I tell you about the new psychiatrist we met with today, let me tell you about the first one we saw.

In May, after Charlie was having some major rages, his then therapist said it was time to get a psychiatrist involved. There aren't many to choose from around here. We made an appointment with the first available child and adolescent psychiatrist. Now I know why he had an opening within a few weeks of our calling.

Our initial assessment with him was, how shall I say it, um, not good. We were in and out with a diagnosis, prescription and follow-up appointment within about 18 minutes. Granted, I pretty much needed confirmation of what it was and how to help him better, but was not thinking someone who didn't know us from Adam could decipher what exactly was wrong in about 15 minutes. Even though I totally disagreed with his approach, I agreed with his diagnosis and medical treatment. So I started him on Depakote after a long (45 minute) talk with Charlie's pediatrician and some soul searching.

Each subsequent appointment was no more than five minutes and very clinical and matter of fact. Psychiatrists aren't counselors. I know their job is to diagnose and prescribe medicine, but there has to be some kind of happy medium out there that was better than this. This was not right.

After our second appointment (and after giving the Dr. the benefit of the doubt) I made an appointment for an assessment with a different doctor that is affiliated with the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. I figured he would at least be able to tell me without much doubt if in fact it is bipolar that we're dealing with, or simply an extremely strong willed child.

Today we had that appointment. For starters, the office is a little house downtown that's on the National Historic Register and it was so cozy and welcoming. His appointment was at 11. He came out to meet us and introduced himself to Charlie first. I thought that was pretty cool! Either he or I was in with the doctor for a total of one hour and forty minutes! Just that time amount alone made me so happy!

He was very thorough. He was kind. He was compassionate. He was validating of my parenting methods. He was very knowledgeable. He was helpful. He was positive. He was honest. He was thoughtful. He rocked!

His final verdict was bipolar-NOS and ADD. The ADD part was a bit shocking to me, but makes sense now that he explained it. The impulsivity, the lack or organization (at home and at school), carelessness in school tasks, procrastination, remembering odd pieces of info and not other more important pieces of info, etc.

We are upping his mood stabilizer for now. We are adding in Focalin and some melatonin for hopefully easier/better sleep.

Make no doubts about it, it has been and will continue to be a tough road. But I feel a little more confident now having someone who can make important, educated decisions with me about what's in the best interst of Charlie and our family.

I'm breathing a big sigh of relief!

Sarah:)

Our Saturday Morning Bipolar Episode

Oh man. Life is stressful. I feel like I might just be going crazy! This morning brought upon an issue that never seems to end. Charlie cannot swallow pills despite months and months of practicing. Yes, the pediatrician, psychiatrist, friends and family say that he can swallow them, but I don't see any of those people trying with him and see him work hard at trying. Because he can't swallow pills I either have to crush them up or sprinkle the capsule contents on food.

Last night he tried swallowing tic-tacs with three large glasses of water. I said he'd tried enough and would crush the pills (for an ear infection) into some pudding. He put it in his mouth and gagged and threw up the pudding, medicine and at least 1.5 glasses of water mixed with some old milk all over the kitchen floor. An hour or so later he tried again and was fine.

Fast forward to this morning to the flat out refusal to take the medicine (all of it). He proceeds to close himself in both hall closets and then in the big cupboard in the kitchen. He throws out the dog food and dog treats and knocks over the garbage can. He shouted all the bad things he could think of to call me: stupid, mean, bad, horrible and "all the other words I can't think of to call you". Meanwhile I sat calm and still right outside the cupboard and told him he needed to take his medicine. He banged the cupboard door on me and the wall, tried to break the shelf above him and threw pieces of dog food at me. Being calm and not going ballistic on him was very, very difficult. He sucker-punched me and I grabbed his leg and told him he is not to hurt me.

After about 70 minutes of this, he said he would take his medicine but only the sprinkles. At this point, I don't give a rats a$$ about his ear infections and just NEED him to take his Depakote. He did and then went to his room.

He asked if we could make string bracelets, I made a mistake. I should have said we'll make them. Instead I told him that I had told him last night at bedtime that he needed to pick up his room before he came out this morning. Of course that wasn't done so I told him after he picked up his room we could make the bracelets. He melted down on his bed and told me he doesn't know why is acting like this. Talk about breaking my heart!

I'm still holding firm on the room/bracelet thing, but decided to let him and brother watch TV which is usually very soothing for Charlie.

Did I make the right decisions or not? It is so hard to tell. Today I am very sad about this that is making Charlie (and Ryan and me) miserable.

Right at this moment all is calm and peaceful and for that I'm thankful.

Sarah:)

Nine! Nine! Nine!

My first-born is nine today.

In years past, birthdays have been a day of breakdowns from too much excitement, too little sleep, too much anticipation, etc. But today, the ninth birthday, has been different. Granted, it's only 4:58PM and we could still see WW3 today, but I'm thinking it won't happen.

This Depakote stuff must really be working. He's able to handle frustration better. He was able to make a decision about what to spend his money on in a few minutes rather than a few hours. He did not pitch a fit when I told him no caffeine (like he did yesterday). He sits on the couch with his brother's arm draped over him and is not annoyed or shouting at him to leave him alone.

Today is a good day!

The Middle

Most stories start at the beginning. I am going to start this one in the middle.

My oldest son turns nine in a few days. He has a working diagnosis of bipolar disorder. The few people we’ve told have been shocked and wondered how we were dealing with such a shocking diagnosis. Well, I think they’ve forgotten that we live with him and such a diagnosis just doesn’t pop up; we’ve been dealing with it for eight years now. Only now do we have a name and some possible options to help him.

Currently he is taking Depakote and appears to be more stable.

That is the middle of my story. The end is unknown and the beginning will take a long time to tell.

Sarah:)